A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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