I accidentally had phone sex last night
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
