i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
