good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dignity is for republicans.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
