I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
