You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
