the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
