Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
