i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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