I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
