I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
