Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
