Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
