FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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