My room smells like vodka and shame
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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