eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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