we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
