9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
