There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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