oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
