I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
