Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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