Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
