: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
