So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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