I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
