Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
