I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
