That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
