I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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