Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
