CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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