no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
