The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
