You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
