I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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