i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
