Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
