you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
