Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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