I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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