I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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