Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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