I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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