What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
