So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
cat food counts as protein by the way
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
