she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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