maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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