im drinking this country out of the recession.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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