I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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